i think your exact words were, 'state of flux'

nishiki @ 2009-06-09T03:52:00

2009-06-08T17:57:20Z

-

listening to 4am by psychic ills at 4am
how apt
new boring crushes that i don't even really care to nurture
crushes to pad the echoing of my fluttering flippant lascivious heart
i wonder if it's me or the city
the thing making me feel unattractive, that kind with the dull cloudy varnish
ashamed and annoyed
i guess things are getting better, though
realistically

nishiki @ 2009-05-21T11:03:00

2009-05-21T01:03:13Z

worst most disgusting dream ever

nishiki @ 2009-04-03T01:15:00

2009-04-02T14:22:23Z

first drink in three weeks and about two of bad sleeping patterns

hel-lo lack of impulse control!

met someone i haven't seen in a billion years
so weird

not miserable, i just don't want to sleep or eat

nishiki @ 2009-04-02T12:09:00

2009-04-02T01:14:28Z

listening for this week clocked:

- neutral milk hotel
- jose gonzalez
- antony and the johnsons
- girl talk
- psychic ills

sooking counteracted by dancing and then a bit of something to listen to while i sleep.

creativity doesn't mean i need to create an industry
and man am i glad that things are coming along the way they are
more coffee than ever, more tea, more something

nishiki @ 2009-03-31T23:52:00

2009-03-31T13:11:10Z

here we are again, i found you while bored and doing some homework
how do i tell you that it's a bad, bad, bad decision you have made
(it's a trick question. what i really do is keep my damn mouth shut and hope that your judgement is better than mine)
how do i tell myself that i can make this work if only i could stop getting in the way
this is like talking to myself on the couch at a party when everyone's already fallen asleep or gone home. kinda lame, but no-one's around to judge anyway.

on a full load for the first time in ages. this makes me feel accomplished but really it just brings me up to speed to regular boring human instead of wildly incompetent mental illness human. i know that this was the only path i had to go on, that i couldn't have made my decision to come to canberra any differently. i would say i have made many mistakes in what i have done here but i can't fix them, not now. now i can just fix the most recent ones.

i am getting awfully piney for friends and people i have had nice moments with who i can never ever return to. how do i ring you up and go 'hey let's go drinking and kissing in the park again' or 'hey let's go to cherry and dance on the stage again' or 'you. me. bottle of scotch. screaming drunk. i can start smoking again as i have since quit. dance to dumb bands in your bedroom' when all of these scenarios are so profoundly unreachable. what is this, some kind of existential regret or something? fuck's sake.

quicknotes

2007-07-20T02:37:16Z

progress often equates to the neglect of that which you once held dearly
and clearly this progress is rocketing along, ignoring whole pieces. worse even yet, resenting them for ever having to be there to eschew at all

and i think i worked out i don't want to have to save you, the you i fall into to love and give my time to
what do i want? a 'real fixer-upper'? a 'modestly renovated dream home'? 'location, location, location'?

many giant leaps of faith in personality development, a feeling like stepping out of a car

nishiki @ 2007-04-07T20:05:00

2007-04-07T10:23:23Z

in just a few clicks, i find the myspace pages of people i haven't seen in years. these are people i would have otherwise considered lost to the world, bound somewhere unreachable and untouchable. i think i was happier with it that way. now it's suddenly incredibly easy for me to make contact in a style that recently gives me a feeling, abominable and contrived.
internet, i tire of your convenience. is it so wrong or redundant or antiquated or inefficient to want to have my long-lost rekindling occur through accidental path-crossing?
i think i worry about you too much. another you, another you. it's not that all my 'you's become any less important or influential, but you must admit that there has to be more than this.

"is there more to life than love and being together?"

i get lust, i get love. i get how this works, and it bores me. i like this feeling more, it's new. i'll check my horoscopes for the week and then get back to work. i'll go to deerhoof tonight, i think things are ok.

nishiki @ 2007-03-27T09:42:00

2007-03-26T23:42:52Z

i deleted that last one, too much sooking!

lots of time on the phone, makes me glad i have the phone plan that i have now

looks like this vintage car will be in storage for a while. unless i feel like selling it for 10% of what it's worth, which i suspect i do not.

nishiki @ 2007-03-08T20:55:00

2007-03-08T10:08:31Z

some days feel amazing. ever since getting back from tunisia i've been getting mental-energy-consuming headaches. i've a million things to do. i'm getting at better at not doing stupid things. hah, just kidding. the contrast between universities is sorta refreshing. having said that, i feel like i'm stuck between my divorced parents again. there's this razor-thin facade of cordiality loosely covering a bit of resentment here and there. and even though they mean well, their interactions with each other are so troubled that they end up making things quite difficult for me.

my phone was dead for a few hours because i didn't pay my billz. total shocker, right? anyway, it's fine now. sorry if you tried to call me today.

nishiki @ 2007-02-23T02:30:00

2007-02-22T15:36:11Z

musical consumption as of the last few days: jose gonzalez, iron & wine, jens lekman, do make say think. what a fucking pansy i am. i think i need to go out and get the lightning bolt records i don't own yet and never look back. what came first, the sooking or the music? i can't discern exactly. i hope i can find somewhere new to live soon.

nishiki @ 2007-02-21T15:28:00

2007-02-21T04:44:42Z

i think i'm feeling crap because i can't eat because it's too hot. that's my assumption. lust disperses like it always does: slowly, and with a bit of condescension on both sides. i get impatient. i drop everything for love because it's more exciting than everything else i'm doing. but now i'm not so sure. i like getting up early, let's go back to that.

nishiki @ 2007-02-17T04:35:00

2007-02-16T17:36:28Z

i miss being in love
sigh
way to be a drunkard, drunkington!

nishiki @ 2007-02-09T21:47:00

2007-02-09T10:48:26Z

quite, quite tired
good day
i'm sorry, i don't feel like sharing anymore

nishiki @ 2007-02-03T04:32:00

2007-02-02T17:34:12Z

i'm trying to convince mark that i'm 'postmodern'.

it's strange being up this late in the morning

nishiki @ 2007-01-30T17:54:00

2007-01-30T06:59:07Z

the internet is making me feel very alone
the kind of alone that tells me i will never be close to anyone ever again, that all relationships are shallow and transient, that my actions have very little meaning and i'm not amounting to anything, and what i want i will never receive
i wonder if i should go back to my old job or go and find a new one
and i wonder where i can find a 'nishiki' bike in this country
i don't know what i'm doing tonight
i wish i could go to joanna newsom
sigh

nishiki @ 2007-01-30T07:41:00

2007-01-29T20:48:44Z

things i won't be eating for a bit:
- hard-boiled eggs
- tuna
- olives
- mandarins

it wasn't really a waste of my time, i'm just frustrated. and i suppose more calm because of it. i really hope i don't slide back into my irritable ways. i have a lot on my mind right now. i like how new everything feels, i'm getting back to my real life. i guess i find out what that is as these next few days unfold. i like how i've adjusted my sleep cycle so i get up stupidly early. i think of the things that have the potential to wear me down. my typing skills are almost back up to scratch after 9 weeks of using french arabic keyboards and almost forgetting where everything was.

nishiki @ 2007-01-27T19:10:00

2007-01-27T08:12:47Z

i'm back in town as of yesterday
i'll call you when i have time to
right now i'm moving house

nishiki @ 2006-12-22T03:01:00

2006-12-21T16:01:42Z

i am constantly asleep
and acquisition is my life
my life is a sham
and i can't help the way things are
things aren't better
not yet

nishiki @ 2006-11-24T19:18:00

2006-11-24T08:18:12Z

in doha
feeling weird
blah.

nishiki @ 2006-11-24T07:52:00

2006-11-23T20:52:48Z

i'm in singapore, it's hot and muggy. i think i'll go grab some kind of munchable.
next stopover is doha. i should've packed more underwear.

nishiki @ 2006-11-19T11:48:00

2006-11-19T00:48:46Z

FOUR MORE DAYS

BIG TIME MEGA ANXIETY

INNER CITY SOUND - CLINTON WALKER

nishiki @ 2006-11-15T00:48:00

2006-11-14T13:48:27Z

guilty pleasures

i squirm and relish

a hand over my mouth, a hand over the window...

and i try my hardest piece things together in my head, things you will probably never tell me

things i want to know, damnit

today i had the thought that maybe i study languages because i love the idea of understanding what is being said

i want in on the three thousand year old dad joke

nishiki @ 2006-11-13T19:05:00

2006-11-13T08:05:00Z

jake, i went to buy your book on the weekend and i couldn't find it. let me know what's happening.

i hate this vague unfocused feeling.

nishiki @ 2006-11-08T16:58:00

2006-11-08T05:58:24Z

you're pissing me off.
stop it.

books:
lonely planet - tunisia
philip k dick - we can remember it for you wholesale
lee server - encyclopedia of pulp fiction writers
christopher wayne curry - a taste of blood: the films of herschell gordon lewis

later today/tomorrow: ballad of hoolio jones - jakeytown

nishiki @ 2006-11-08T04:53:00

2006-11-07T17:53:53Z

no more emo posts, sarah

dad - 'beijing, october 1995'