here we are again, i found you while bored and doing some homework
how do i tell you that it's a bad, bad, bad decision you have made
(it's a trick question. what i really do is keep my damn mouth shut and hope that your judgement is better than mine)
how do i tell myself that i can make this work if only i could stop getting in the way
this is like talking to myself on the couch at a party when everyone's already fallen asleep or gone home. kinda lame, but no-one's around to judge anyway.

on a full load for the first time in ages. this makes me feel accomplished but really it just brings me up to speed to regular boring human instead of wildly incompetent mental illness human. i know that this was the only path i had to go on, that i couldn't have made my decision to come to canberra any differently. i would say i have made many mistakes in what i have done here but i can't fix them, not now. now i can just fix the most recent ones.

i am getting awfully piney for friends and people i have had nice moments with who i can never ever return to. how do i ring you up and go 'hey let's go drinking and kissing in the park again' or 'hey let's go to cherry and dance on the stage again' or 'you. me. bottle of scotch. screaming drunk. i can start smoking again as i have since quit. dance to dumb bands in your bedroom' when all of these scenarios are so profoundly unreachable. what is this, some kind of existential regret or something? fuck's sake.